‘Best Job in U.S.’ awarded to whatever it is Michael Vick does

The Wall Street Journal released its annual list of ‘Best and Worst Jobs’ and whatever it is that Michael Vick does with the Eagles beat out Mathematician for the top spot.

“As a convicted felon with eroded skills, we’re unsure how he got this job or, for that matter, what this job is,” said WSJ spokesman Stephen Duffy. “But whatever it is, it’s easily the greatest job in America. Ever.”

With a starting salary of $1.6 million, Vick’s job with the Eagles still remains a complete and total mystery, but according to Vick, it may involve standing, with occasional sitting, but very little running.

Vick stood and sat enough in 2009 to earn a $3.6 million dollar raise this year, giving him a $5.2 million salary and the title of ‘Best Job in America’.

“It’s a great job,” Vick said of whatever he’s supposed to be doing this year with the Eagles, “and I do it well.”

Vick also topped Wall Street Journal’s list of ‘People Dumber Than Toast’ for repeatedly trying to get fired from his cushy, do-nothing job.