Runaway slave reports little in common with LeBron James

In response to Jesse Jackson’s comments comparing Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert to a slavemaster and LeBron James to a runaway slave, an actual runaway slave reported Tuesday that he has very little, if anything, in common with LeBron James.

“I suppose we have a similar skin tone,” the runaway slave admitted on Tuesday. “But I was captured and lost my foot when I ran away from my owner. When LeBron ran away from his owner, he was rewarded with $110 million. Please, feel free to stop me when these stories start to sound similar.”

When asked of his response to Gilbert’s letter to Cavaliers fans, the runaway slave said “he sounded more like a whiny owner of an NBA team that just lost his meal ticket.”