Ruben Amaro: ‘Sit. Roll over. That’s a good Yankees!’

After allowing the Yankees to play around with the idea of signing Cliff Lee for a few months, Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro snatched Lee from the Yankees mouth and commanded the team to sit like a good Yankees.

“Who’s a good boy! Yes! You’re such a good boy, aren’t you!” Amaro said of New York, who really deserves a treat. “You gave up Cliff Lee all by yourself! Didn’t you! Yes you did! You didn’t try to fight me or anything because you know who daddy is! Yes you do! Yes you do!”

Sources indicate that while New York still has a CC Sabathia and an Alex Rodriguez to play with, they were seen wallowing around the house looking sad and incredibly pathetic.

Local man would seriously trade Ryan Howard

According to sources, Norristown resident Justin Powell would trade Phillies firstbaseman Ryan Howard in a heartbeat if he got the chance.

“Without question, I would give him up for a hot pocket right now,” Powell reportedly said of Howard on 97.5 The Fanatic. “I’m not even kidding either. I would try and trade him for Cliff Lee, but if I couldn’t, I would seriously settle for a roll of toilet paper.”

Powell would later retract his statement, saying he “was just upset there was no food or toilet paper in the house.”