Jayson Werth accepts $126 million bribe from Nationals

In what is being labeled as the worst case of bribery since Alex Rodriguez took $252 million from the Texas Rangers in 2001, Jayson Werth has accepted a $126 million bribe from the Washington Nationals in exchange for favors ranging from playing right field to making public appearances on behalf of the ballclub.

“We knew going into this that it would take a ton of money to get him in our pocket,” Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo said of Werth. “But everybody’s got a price, and to be honest, $126 million to get a guy to play for the Nationals for seven years is getting off kinda easy.”

Rizzo added that the Nationals are not finished offering bribes and will not stop until they have “at least 25 major league players on the payroll.”