Eagles’ Cole flagged for use of hands on a Peyton Manning

Trent Cole could face a steep fine by the NFL after he was flagged for a use of hands penalty on a well-defended Peyton Manning.

“The NFL will review the play in question and determine if Cole intended to utilize his hands to disrupt the Peyton Manning, or if it was merely incidental,” said an NFL spokesperson. “As a league, we have to start cutting down on the number of hand-to-helmet taps on the Peyton Manning and the Tom Brady.”

Asante Samuel will likely also face a fine by the NFL after illegally touching two Manning passes before the offense was given a chance to catch and run it in for a touchdown.

Thousands flee as obnoxious Saints fans hit New Orleans

Much of New Orleans has been destroyed after a drunken orgy of Saints fans ripped through the city late Sunday night, leveling everything in its path.

Hundreds of thousands managed to evacuate the city before it was pummeled, but others were left behind and watched as their beloved city was reduced to rubble.

“It was just awful! The beads! There were so many beads!” said Jason Eckert, a Who Dat survivor. “I thought it was over for a minute, but I realized I was just in the eye of the Who Dat…and it was only gonna get worse.”

New Orleans is now faced with the daunting task of rebuilding its historic city, though many have already wondered if it’s worth the effort.

“The Saints could just win it again next year, and we’d lose everything all over again,” said New Orleans resident Jesse Tolliver. “That football team is one of the worst things to ever happen to this city.”

Brett Favre may return next season as Peyton Manning

Following Sunday’s loss to the New Orleans Saints, Vikings quarterback Brett Favre wasted no time in announcing his intentions to return to the NFL next season, hopefully as Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.

“There will be no retirement this year. I’m definitely coming back,” Favre said during his post-game conference. “There’s an outside chance I could come back with the Vikings, but I’d really like to just be Peyton Manning next year. I think I’ve gone about as far as I’m gonna go as Brett Favre, so my only shot at winning another Super Bowl is to return as Peyton Manning, somehow. That’s the goal.”

Favre also mentioned that he would consider a return as Drew Brees if the Saints were to win the Super Bowl, “but that probably won’t happen, so we’ll cross that bridge if we get there.”

Colts fans: Sit down, grab your sippy cup and enjoy the game

It’s one thing to be upset that Peyton Manning didn’t finish out the game, ending any chance of a perfect season. But it’s another to demand your money back because of it.

What kind of spoiled bed-wetters are we dealing with here? Apparently a local Indy politician, Buert SerVaas, has gotten involved to draft an actual City-County Council resolution demanding that the NFL refund the money paid for tickets.

Let’s iron this out so we have the facts straight and no one gets reamed unfairly here:

1. Indy head coach Jim Caldwell, ESPN and the entire planet has been talking about the prospect of sitting Peyton Manning in the final games for at least 500 years now.

2. These fans bought tickets to go see the game anyway.

3. Said fans saw Manning throw the football 21 times for 192 yards.

4. These same fans follow a team that is guaranteed home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

5. Now, a local councilman is concerning himself with what a football team is doing to ensure the health of its star players, rather than focusing on more important things in the middle of a recession.

I don’t know how else to say it other than these people need lives…and maybe a little perspective.

Get upset because you didn’t get to see the Colts win a game they probably could have, but keep things in perspective here: You paid to see a football game. It just so happens that the game was in the middle of preparation for the playoffs.

Caldwell was doing what he thought was best for the team in the long run. Sure, the odds of Peyton actually getting hurt are slim, but the downside to him getting hurt are catastrophic (relatively). He IS the Colts.

I’m putting myself in the shoes of a Colts fan and while I would have rather seen Peyton out there to go for the perfect season, I understand the decision to pull him and keep an eye on the bigger picture.

This stuff about trying to legally get your money back from a franchise that has given you a Super Bowl championship and arguably the best QB to ever play the game is insane. If anyone should ask for their money back, it’s Browns or Rams fans. They know going into the game their team has no shot and they go home knowing they won’t have a shot the next week either. At least Colts fans have a realistic shot at a Super Bowl to look forward to.

So please, pay for the ticket, plant your ass in a chair and watch the best team in football, regardless of how long Peyton plays.

ESPN launches network, website analyzing Belichick decisions

The fierce, round-the-clock scrutiny by ESPN analysts over Bill Belichick’s 4th-and-2 call has finally prompted the network to launch an affiliated 24-hour Bill Belichick network and website so they can finally stop talking about this crap on Sportscenter.

ESPN Belichick and ESPNBelichick.com will feature vomit-inducing over-analysis of every decision made by the Patriots coach, from game calls to choosing between looking like a bum or a total bum on the sidelines.

“Bill Belichick is the premier head coach in the premier sports league in the premier country on the premier planet of our galaxy,” said Sportscenter anchor Robert Flores. “I’m pretty sure the most important person in our galaxy deserves at least one channel and a website, so this is the least we could do.”

Not everyone is pleased with the all-Belichick network and many have questioned why Belichick’s 4th-and-2 call was given so much attention in the first place.

“Belichick makes one questionable decision during a game and all the sudden he gets his own network,” Eagles head coach Andy Reid noted on Tuesday. “I consistently make at least three bad decisions before I even get out of bed in the morning and at least six dozen during the first quarter alone. That’s gotta be worth something, I think.”