Lil Wayne takes full responsibility for Sixers loss to Kings
Rapper Lil Wayne issued an apology for his role in the Sixers’ loss to the Kings on Sunday afternoon after several members of the team attended his concert the night before.
“I accept full responsibility for what went down on Sunday,” Lil Wayne, aka Weezy, said during a Tuesday press conference. “I should have been more aware of the affect my rhymes have on the outcome of NBA games. In the future, I promise to be more careful.”
Of the Sixers’ 36 losses this season, Lil Wayne’s silky flow and taunt rhymes have accounted for 35 of them, while the team’s poor play could only account for a single loss to the Cavaliers back in November.
Runaway slave reports little in common with LeBron James
In response to Jesse Jackson’s comments comparing Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert to a slavemaster and LeBron James to a runaway slave, an actual runaway slave reported Tuesday that he has very little, if anything, in common with LeBron James.
“I suppose we have a similar skin tone,” the runaway slave admitted on Tuesday. “But I was captured and lost my foot when I ran away from my owner. When LeBron ran away from his owner, he was rewarded with $110 million. Please, feel free to stop me when these stories start to sound similar.”
When asked of his response to Gilbert’s letter to Cavaliers fans, the runaway slave said “he sounded more like a whiny owner of an NBA team that just lost his meal ticket.”
FCC investigating ESPN, LeBron James after on-air coitus
Obnoxious sports network ESPN and renowned narcissist LeBron James have landed in hot water with the FCC after fucking on national television for more than 60 minutes on Thursday.
ESPN had been warned by the FCC for fellating the two-time MVP numerous times in the past, but the consensual love-making session on Thursday night may finally earn the network a substantial fine.
“ESPN has shown that they’re incapable of reporting on LeBron James without making it sexual,” said one FCC official. “We want to send the message that this is no longer acceptable behavior for a so-called respectable news network.”
The FCC is also investigating James’ autoerotic behavior on TV and the internet over the past several weeks, citing that the former Cavalier has “been feeling himself a little too much lately.”
