Jay Cutler takes heat on sideline from sideline heater

Bears quarterback Jay Cutler did not return to Sunday’s NFC Championship game against the Packers after leaving with a knee injury in the third quarter and was immediately blasted on the sidelines by an intense sideline heater for the rest of the game.

“It got pretty heated, but you’ve gotta give it to Jay because he just stood there and took it without saying a word,” said third-string quarterback Caleb Hanie, who entered Sunday’s game with 14 career NFL passes, but managed to outplay Cutler. “I swear I saw him crack a smile a few times almost like he enjoyed taking that kind of heat more than actually playing in the game.”

After the game, Cutler was then blasted by an indoor heating unit in addition to his teammates, current and former NFL players, local and national media, President Obama and the Democratic Republic of The Congo for not going back in the game

Jay Cutler evades Eagles defender with light jog

Elusive Bears quarterback Jay Cutler slowly turned heads with his split-second decision to break into a comfortable, light jog to avoid an Eagles defender on Sunday.

“Against the Eagles, you have to have the ability to slowly move your feet if you’re going to avoid a sack,” said Bears head coach Lovie Smith. “Sometimes he would stand completely still out there and get nailed, but when he trots to the right, forget about it.”

Several other Bears players were also able to avoid being tackled by Eagles defenders by either wearing shoes, maintaining consciousness or saying “look over there!”

Andy Reid mismanages ninth helping of macaroni, cheese

Andy Reid had to be carted to a nearby couch on Thursday after going for an unconventional ninth helping of macaroni and cheese rather than let time wind down so people could put the food away.

“Uuuugh. Nope, that’s not sittin’ right,” Reid mumbled after blowing his fifth Thanksgiving dinner in as many years on a controversial call. “What was I-ooooh God-what was I thinking? It looked like a pretty good idea at the time. Oh man, this ain’t natural.”

According to team doctors, Reid’s status for Sunday’s game against the Bears is questionable, but the head coach should still be able to fit in some dessert later, so don’t put that away yet.

McNabb advises Cutler on how to handle overly affectionate fans

Andy Reid shook up the football world on Sunday by allowing LeSean McCoy to run downfield with a football in his arm for the go-ahead touchdown as the Eagles went on to edge the Bears 24-20. The bigger story came after the game, when Donovan McNabb pulled Jay Cutler aside at midfield to discuss their shared experiences as beloved and well-respected quarterbacks.

Though Cutler leads the NFL with 18 interceptions, the Chicago fan base has rallied behind their quarterback in a way that reminded McNabb of his own fans back in Philly.

“Jay and I have a lot in common…we’re two very fortunate guys,” McNabb said in a post-game interview. “Most fans ‘boo’ when their players screw up, but the way our fans ‘ooo’ and ‘ahh’ just shows how much they love what we do out there. I pulled Jay aside because the Chicago fans have been on his nuts extra hard this season and I just wanted to make sure he stays level-headed about it.”