Report: Adrian Peterson not a slave
Updated: March 16, 2011

By , PhillyGameday.com

The world of professional sports was rocked early Wednesday morning by a report that Vikings running back Adrian Peterson is not a slave, refuting the widely-accepted belief that the four-time Pro Bowler was a “modern-day slave.”

“This changes everything,” said Ricky Franz, a long-time Vikings fan who always saw Peterson as a modern-day slave. “It’s like, if Adrian Peterson isn’t a slave, then who is?”

The report cites Peterson’s 2010 income of well over $0.01, lack of chained appendages and freedom as the primary indicators that the running back could not possibly be a slave.

“Not only did we find that Adrian Peterson is not a slave as we once thought, but he is in fact the polar opposite of a slave and is wealthy beyond all comprehension with the freedom to find another occupation,” said head researcher Arie Miller from the Institute for the Study of Modern-Day Slaves. “We also found him to be completely detached from reality.”

In addition to the discovery that Peterson is a well-paid professional athlete, the report also indicated that as many as 100% of other well-paid professional athletes are not slaves.

Zaki is the Chief Rocka and senior writer for PhillyGameday.com and thinks you should hurry up and follow the site on Twitter and Facebook before it's too late.
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