By Zaki, PhillyGameday.com
Though Joe Blanton is currently locked in as the team’s fifth starter and will only pitch in about 15 of the Phillies’ 81 home games this year, you will somehow defy the odds and watch Blanton pitch every time you attend a game this year, according to several reports.
“Watch, if you go to five random games this year, you’ll get Joe Blanton every time,” your friend reported. “You literally have zero chance of watching the other four guys pitch. None.”
The Phillies released a statement apologizing ahead of time for what will inevitably happen to you this season and would offer you free tickets, but you would likely just see Joe Blanton pitch again.
“The odds of Joe Blanton starting a game are currently at about 19%, but unfortunately, when you purchase a ticket to watch a game, those odds balloon to 100%,” the statement read. “We can’t quite explain why this happens right now, but rest assured that it will happen. All we can do is apologize and suggest that you just enjoy what Joe has to offer.”
Another report suggests that there is at least a small chance that you may see Cole Hamels pitch, but since you have already seen him pitch 800 times, that really isn’t much of a consolation.
Experts also warned that if you decide not to attend a game where Joe Blanton is scheduled to pitch, there is a 100% chance that Cliff Lee will actually start that game and throw a perfect game.
It’s true that Joe has started every game I have attended, but it’s also true we won every game I have attended. GO JOE! GO PHILS! Show some love!
Is it also true that Ryan Howard will strike out every at bat whenever you attend a game? Or that Chase will commit a couple of errors? Mock Joe all you want, but take a good look at the games he’s pitched the last two years. I’ll buy a ticket to watch Joe pitch — as long as the rest of the team shows up!
Zaki: Too funny, and probably true.
LOL, this reminded me of 2007 when somehow I managed to see Adam Eaton pitch every freakin game I attended.
“Another report suggests that there is at least a small chance that you may see Cole Hamels pitch, but since you have already seen him pitch 800 times, that really isn’t much of a consolation.”
Definitely feeling that line right now. Everything was set up perfectly when I purchased tickets to tonight’s game a couple weeks ago to see Oswalt pitch for the first time…now Hole Camels shall replace him till he comes back from his hometown…perhaps I shall have better luck when I go to my second game of the season…
Keith, I feel your pain and then some…my first and only game this year was a Blanton game. Halladay was originally scheduled, but it was the day after the game that got rained out and messed the rotation up. I jinxed myself.