The Phillies announced Friday that they have formally ended their pursuit of former Phillie and current Giants outfielder Aaron Rowand after more than 30 milliseconds of internal discussions.

“We gave it a shot,” said Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro, whose moment-long pursuit of Rowand was prompted by a column in the Philadelphia Daily News by Paul Hagen. “But in the end, I could not conceive of one solitary reason it would make any sense whatsoever to go out of my way to trade for a 33-year-old man in steady decline making $24 million over the next two seasons that was benched in favor of slightly less garbage players after hitting .230 last season.”

Amaro added that the pursuit of Rowand would have ended sooner, but the GM wanted to make absolutely sure that he was “giving Hagan’s off-the-wall idea a fair chance.”