I’m confused.

I checked this morning and I have the ERA of a man that occasionally throws strikes and gets hitters out, but that’s impossible since I do neither of those things. No, really. It’s literally impossible.

Think about it: When is the last time I pitched without walking the bases loaded and/or giving up a two- or three-run home run to the worst hitter on the team? Never, right? I know! That’s why this is so bizarre.

It just makes no sense that after walking a pitcher, my ERA should be at least 15.00 or so. I mean, not only was he a pitcher, but it was his first time ever facing a major league pitcher in a game, and I walked him. And my ERA is still 4.38. How? I’m not even kidding. I want to know how that’s possible.

Am I the only person that thinks this is pretty crazy? Am I losing it? Am I the only one paying attention when I’m up on the mound walking and beaning guys?

Ever since I came back from my 50-game sabbatical last season, I’ve walked 36 guys in 41.1 innings and it says I have a 3.70 ERA over that span. I’m a walking, talking contradiction: A pitcher that can’t throw strikes, but has a better ERA than half the league.

Someone’s trying to get over on old J.C., that’s what this is. Ha, ha, very funny guys. Well, I’m not falling for it. I may not know what my ERA is, but I know it’s not 4.38.