Unable to successfully complete his one job in life, surgeon Fran Gargiulo botched a simple procedure on Phillies closer Brad Lidge, who will now likely be out for the next four to six weeks as a result.

“It was a pretty simple procedure and I’ve done it hundreds of times before, but things have been rough for me this year,” said Gargiulo after he failed to close the door on another surgery for the second time in his last three attempts. “This is just a part of the job. Some days we have it and some days we don’t. I just couldn’t cut it out there today.”

Physicians assistants were forced to bail Garguilo out and literally stop the bleeding as the 27-year veteran operated on the wrong knee to begin with and then used a toothbrush and a spork to perform the procedure.

“It’s almost like he completely forgot how to do his job all of the sudden,” said one nurse. “I just hope we can get whatever is wrong with him fixed soon because we really need him back out there as soon as possible.”

Gargiulo is scheduled to undergo surgery on his surgery hand as early as next week and may miss that breast implant procedure he was really looking forward to.