Though it looked like Carlos Ruiz and the Phillies were ready to end negotiations, the two sides were finally able to come to terms on a new hair extension.

“It looked like we weren’t going to get anything done for a while there,” Ruiz said on Tuesday. “I was asking for an actual contract extension, but they wanted me to work for free. So, we met in the middle, and now I look like a douche.”

The extension should last about three years and includes a 2013 club option to pay Ruiz actual money — $5 million — but the Phillies will probably find a way to waste that cash on Jamie Moyer.