Criticized for years as a player that couldn’t get it done in the postseason, Alex Rodriguez finally got it together in the first two rounds of this year’s playoffs, hitting five home runs with 12 RBI in nine games against the Twins and Angels. However, A-Rod seems to have once again lost his swing after going 0-8 with six strikeouts in his first two World Series games against the Phillies.

“I just don’t understand it,” said a confused Rodriguez. “You spend all this money on flowers and anabolic steroids to keep your swing happy, and it just up and leaves you like this.”

A-Rod was able to locate his swing on Saturday, but in the arms of a significantly less effeminate man.

“I just felt used,” said the jilted swing. “I know the only reason he kept me around was to make him money. The bastard cheated on me before and even though he said it was just that one time and I forgave him, I know he was still messin’ around on me. Now that I think about it, I have no idea what I ever saw in him in the first place.”