According to the obvious behavior by the Arizona Cardinals, the team had zero intention of trading star wide receiver Anquan Boldin this whole time and instead just wanted to milk their 15 minutes of fame before they inevitably sink back into the NFL’s cesspool.

Early reports indicated that the Eagles had offered Sheldon Brown and a third round pick for Boldin on draft weekend, though now it appears the Eagles could have offered every first round pick for the next 20 years and the entire lineup from GirlsofPhilly.com and they still wouldn’t have let Boldin go.

“You have no idea what it’s like being the league’s doormat,” said Cardinals GM Rod Graves. “We finally got a taste of the big time and we’ll go down kicking and screaming before we give that up. It was just so nice to be mentioned in actual real life news for once instead of YouTube clips or not being recognized at all. Please don’t make us go back there!”